7 Traits That Sabotage Your Pageant Success
What’s Holding You Back (And How to Fix It)
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The other day, I was giving some thought as to the common qualities certain women have that make them destined for greatness, regardless of whether that greatness includes a pageant title or not.
Having interviewed hundreds of pageant contestants over nearly a decade, there are definitely times when I finish an interview and think: “Wow, she truly was exceptional. I bet we’ll hear about her again, sooner rather than later.”
Then I wondered about the opposite. Are there certain qualities I've seen in women who I knew would struggle in pageantry? That’s not to say they wouldn’t do well—sometimes they even win a title—but for them, that title becomes a poisoned chalice, magnifying their insecurities and deepest fears.
Here's what I've observed:
Live by the crown, die by the crown
Your self-worth depends on winning. Without the crown, you feel worthless. With it, you're still dissatisfied. Attaching self-worth to a crown makes you absolutely insufferable. Without one, you're constantly seeking validation, desperate for approval. With one, you become arrogant, feeling entitled and superior.
Personally, I’ve never selected or rejected someone for an interview based solely on their title or lack thereof. I'm interested in interesting people. Honestly, I couldn’t care less what's on your head—I care about what's in it.
Can’t accept criticism
Criticism feels like a personal attack. You either shut down, get defensive, or flood the conversation with excuses. This mindset traps you exactly where you are—unable to learn, unwilling to grow.
Here's a bonus tip: don’t ask for advice if you’re not prepared to hear the truth or intend to argue endlessly about it. These days, when someone asks for my opinion, I often reply: "Do you really want to know, or are you just asking?"
All feelings, no filter
Everything hits you deeply, personally, and dramatically. You're a walking soap opera, overwhelmed by every up-and-down life throws your way.
Look, I get it—pageantry can be emotionally exhausting. But at some point, you need to find an emotional centre. Otherwise, you'll constantly be tossed around like a ship in a storm, exhausting yourself and everyone around you.
People pleasing
You're bending over backwards, twisting yourself in knots just to keep everyone happy. In doing so, you lose yourself.
Let me put it bluntly—I don’t like being called "nice". Often, when someone says "nice," what they're really saying is "weak," "soft," or even "spineless." Being overly nice can mean you're an emotional doormat. Kindness is strength. People-pleasing is fear.
Focused on things they can't control
You're obsessed with other people’s opinions, judges' scores, or how well your rivals are doing—basically, everything except your own game.
Here's the simple truth: if you can’t control it, let it go. Sometimes you might influence outcomes peripherally, but usually, these things are completely out of your hands. Put your energy where it counts. Where focus goes, energy flows—stop wasting yours.
All talk, no follow-through
You say all the right things, have big dreams and grand plans—but rarely do anything meaningful. When it's time to show up, you vanish.
Forget what people say. Watch what they consistently do. And, critically, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. Actions speak louder than words, always.
It's all about me
You want all the spotlight and none of the responsibility. The title is a trophy for you, not a platform for service or impact.
Sure, you might be attractive, have an amazing smile, flawless skin, and that perfect glow. Congratulations. Now what? Pageantry is overflowing with narcissists—don't become another statistic. The true queens are the ones who use their influence to improve the world, not just their Instagram feed.
Bottom line: Sure, you can learn from what worked—but honestly, haven't you learned the most from what didn't? Those moments when things fell apart, when your carefully-laid plans blew up spectacularly in your face?
Pageantry offers fascinating insights into human psychology—use it. See pageantry not just as competition, but as your personal laboratory. The first game you should look to win is the one going on inside your head. That's the real game, and the only one that truly matters.
If you’re ready to go deeper, consider becoming a paid subscriber. You’ll get access to mini-courses on everything from interviews to sponsorship, priority answers to your questions, and the chance to ask me anything directly in the comments.
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Pageantry is evolving—and you deserve coaching that’s more than surface-level. Join us if you're ready to go beyond the crown.