Is This Pageant Really Worth It?

Welcome to this week’s Q&A. Each week, I answer questions from our paid subscribers. Join to watch the full episode, get your questions featured, and access tailored help from me—all for a fraction of the cost of private coaching.

Is it possible to pick the perfect pageant?

The Question Every Contestant Asks

This week’s subscriber Q&A came in hot: “How can I know if a pageant is the right fit before committing time and money?”

Here’s the honest answer: you can’t. Not 100%. Not ever.

Even if everything looks good on paper, the reality is you won’t really know until you’ve competed. I’ve seen it happen first-hand. A close friend of mine entered a pageant, did well, loved every minute of it—and then went back the following year, same pageant, same directors, same system. She hated it so much she never wanted to compete again. That’s how unpredictable it can be.

So no, you’ll never get absolute certainty. But that doesn’t mean you’re powerless. What you can do is give yourself the best possible chance of choosing wisely.

The Dating Game of Pageantry

Finding the right pageant is a lot less like checking items off a list, and a lot more like dating. You can think you’ve found “the one,” only to discover later that it’s not what you signed up for. And let’s be real—some of us are really good at making the same mistakes over and over.

That’s why you need to start with yourself. Grab a pen and paper. Write two lists:

• What you do want from a pageant

• What you don’t want (your red flags)

Then circle your non-negotiables. Maybe you need strong community involvement. Maybe you can’t stand poor organization. The point is: you can’t figure out if a system is right for you until you know what “right” even looks like.

Due Diligence: Think Like a Business

Once you’ve got your lists, it’s time to take the rose-tinted glasses off. Don’t just rely on dreams or nostalgia. Treat it like a business decision—because in a way, it is. You’re investing time, money, and energy.

That means research. Look at the website. Check their social media. Google the director’s name. Ask yourself: does their image line up with reality? Does their story actually check out? If someone is hyping themselves up as the most powerful, most connected person in the industry, but you can’t find a shred of evidence online—something’s off.

Think about it this way: big investors don’t throw millions into startups without due diligence. (Well, some did, and lost everything—remember Theranos?). Don’t get seduced by glossy promises without proof. If a pageant is really as amazing as it claims, there will be evidence to back it up.

Spotting the Red Flags

Here are a few warning signs I’ve seen contestants ignore—and regret later:

• Cold DMs inviting you to compete. No serious, reputable system hunts contestants this way. If Miss Universe doesn’t slide into your Instagram DMs, why should some no-name overseas pageant?

• Pressure to pay upfront. If the first conversation is about deposits, be suspicious. You’re not buying a car. They should be courting you as much as you’re considering them.

• Overly glossy, vague promises. “Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” doesn’t mean much if it’s backed by moldy bread, dodgy accommodations, and broken promises (yes, I’ve seen it happen).

• Bad grammar, outdated websites, or stock photos. If they can’t even get the basics right, why would you trust them with your time and money?

• Unresponsive or evasive directors. Send an email. If they ignore it or dodge questions, that’s a giant red flag.

One of the worst cases I’ve seen was an international pageant in Italy. On the surface, their website looked too good to be true. Behind the scenes? Contestants weren’t fed properly, promises were broken, and footage even surfaced of an organizer physically hitting someone. When you looked closer, the warning signs were all there—overly glowing language, inflated claims, and a director with a shady past. It just took a little digging to see it.

Respect Your Own Value

At the end of the day, the biggest mistake I see contestants make is this: you don’t value yourself enough.

When you step onto a stage, you bring eyes, attention, and credibility to that system. That’s worth something. Pageants monetize your presence through sponsorships, social media reach, ticket sales—the list goes on. If a system is trying to lure you in with vague promises and no track record, remember: you are the valuable one, not them.

So treat yourself with the same respect you’d give a best friend. If your closest friend came to you and said, “Should I enter this pageant?” would you wave them through without asking questions? Or would you dig deeper to protect them? Start doing the same for yourself.

The Balance: Don’t Be Cynical, Don’t Be Naïve

You’ll never have all the answers. Some part of this journey will always require faith. But there’s a big difference between a leap of faith and blind naivety.

Don’t fall for the “dream” without evidence. Don’t trust someone who pressures you for money upfront. Don’t ignore your gut when things feel off. But also—don’t shut yourself down completely and become so cynical that you miss out on real opportunities.

The truth? It’s never perfect. Sometimes, like dating, it’s just bad luck. Sometimes a system that works for your best friend won’t work for you. And that’s okay.

What matters is that you go in with your eyes open, knowing your non-negotiables, doing your research, and respecting your own worth. Because when you do that, even if the pageant isn’t a forever fit, you’ll walk away stronger, wiser, and ready for the next stage.

Final Word

You are valuable. Don’t waste your time on a system that doesn’t see that. And if you’re ever unsure, ask me—I’ve probably heard it all.

⏱️ Timestamps

• 00:00 – Intro + book launch update

• 00:25 – Can you really know if a pageant is the right fit?

• 01:17 – Friend’s story: one year amazing, next year terrible

• 01:57 – The dating game of pageantry

• 03:05 – Making your two lists: wants vs red flags

• 04:44 – Due diligence: think like a business

• 07:39 – The Theranos trap: don’t buy the dream without proof

• 11:25 – Red flags: scams, DMs, shady directors

• 18:15 – Respecting your value as a contestant

• 21:14 – Final advice: balance optimism & caution

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