Prioritize Later

Welcome to this week’s Q&A. Each week, I answer questions from our paid subscribers. Join to watch the full episode, get your questions featured, and access tailored help from me—all for a fraction of the cost of private coaching.

All growth occurs at the edge of your comfort zone—cliche, but TRUE.

This week’s question comes from Fiona over on Instagram, who asked:

“What are your top three tips for someone who struggles to feel confident with a lot of attention, especially before a national or state competition?”

“And how can I stand out in a crowd while still being authentically me?”

Two different questions — one shared answer.

The Fear That’s Really Holding You Back

Whether you’re stepping into the spotlight for the first time or trying to make your mark at nationals, the root challenge is the same: FEAR OF JUDGMENT.

Here’s the thing:

Your brain is wired to keep you SAFE, not to help you THRIVE.

In 2025, public speaking or walking on stage isn’t life-threatening — but your body still reacts as if it is. That fight-or-flight reflex kicks in, and suddenly being “authentic” feels like a risk you’d rather not take.

I get it. The risk is REAL: when you put your true self out there, you invite not just support, but questions, criticism, and curiosity. And because it’s the real you on the line — not just your outfit, walk, or answer — the sting of judgment cuts deeper.

Choosing Your Pain

Here’s the reality: in life and in pageants, you get to choose your discomfort.

• Play it safe now → Avoid immediate judgment, but risk the heavier pain of regret years later.

• Push yourself now → Face short-term discomfort, but gain long-term pride in knowing you went for it.

As the saying goes, the pain of failure weighs ounces, but the pain of regret weighs tons.

Growth Lives Outside the Comfort Zone

Every time you take a step just beyond what feels safe, your “comfort zone” expands. Do this consistently and your capacity for confidence — and authenticity — grows.

Think of it like fitness: lift the same weight every time, and eventually it won’t challenge you. Increase the load and you’ll keep building strength. The same principle applies to emotional fitness: keep stretching yourself just enough to grow.

The One Rule That Changes Everything

You asked for three tips, but I’m giving you just one that I heard the comedian Jimmy Carr give: prioritize later.

When faced with the choice between comfort now and pride later, choose later — every time.

• Skip the easy escape from stage fright.

• Say yes to the interview, the introduction, the moment that scares you a little.

• Accept the possibility of judgment today to avoid the certainty of regret tomorrow.

This mindset will serve you far longer than any walk technique, wardrobe upgrade, or interview trick.

Try this in the next 24 hours: Notice when you feel that flicker of resistance — the “I don’t want to” that’s rooted in fear of judgment, not genuine danger. Then, choose later. Choose growth.

Because when you’re authentic and brave in the face of discomfort, you don’t just stand out — you stand tall.

Have a question for next week’s paid Q&A? Send it through the Substack app, DM me on Instagram, or email info@thepageantproject.com.

⏱️ Timestamps

• 00:53 Fiona’s two questions on confidence and authenticity

• 02:17 Why fear of judgment is the real issue

• 06:41 Choosing between short-term comfort and long-term regret

• 08:28 Why psychology matters more than mechanics

• 12:46 Growth lives outside the comfort zone

• 15:02 Emotional fitness: treating discomfort like the gym

• 20:38 The one rule: prioritize later

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