The Truth About Pageant Mindset

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You’ll see it when you believe it, not the other way round.

This week’s question comes from Leilani, who asked: “How do you strengthen your belief in yourself and take action instead of waiting to feel ready?”

This is one of those questions that strikes at the very heart of what I do. I’m a certified life coach, and most of my work—whether it’s one-on-one coaching, interview prep, or writing The Beginner’s Guide to Pageantry—centers around mindset. Because let’s be honest: nine times out of ten, what’s really holding someone back isn’t their walk or their wardrobe. It’s their own self-doubt.

So let’s talk about it.

The “Ready” Myth

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I’ll do it when I feel ready,” you’re not alone. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: that phrase is just code for fear. Most of the time, what we’re really saying is, “I’m scared the outcome won’t be what I want.”

We’re scared to enter a pageant unless we’re certain we’ll place. We’re hesitant to post online unless we’re certain people will support us. We wait—sometimes forever—because we think readiness is some magical feeling that will arrive and make everything feel safe.

But readiness isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision.

Why We Self-Sabotage

Here’s something I’ve learned from coaching pageant contestants and studying human behavior: we don’t always act in our best interests. In fact, we often do things that actively hurt us—like procrastinate, self-sabotage, or avoid showing up fully.

Why? Because those behaviors meet our emotional needs.

Let me explain.

The Six Human Needs

This model comes from Tony Robbins, who I trained under. It suggests that every behavior—good or bad—is driven by one or more of these six human needs:

1. Certainty: We all want to feel safe, comfortable, and in control.

2. Uncertainty/Variety: We also crave excitement, change, and surprise.

3. Significance: We want to feel important, unique, or needed.

4. Connection/Love: We need to feel close to others, whether through love, friendship, or community.

5. Growth: We need to feel like we’re improving and evolving.

6. Contribution: We want to give back and be of service to others.

Everyone finds a way to meet the first four, whether positively or negatively. The last two—growth and contribution—are what make a life truly fulfilling.

So let’s bring it back to Leilani’s question.

What Are You Really Getting From Your Inaction?

You say you don’t feel ready. But what if I told you that lack of readiness is meeting a need?

It might be giving you certainty—because if you don’t take action, you can’t fail.

It might be protecting your connection—because if you never put yourself out there, you won’t risk rejection.

It might even be giving you significance—because struggling can make you feel unique. (“You think you’ve got problems? Let me tell you about mine...”)

So the real question becomes: how can you meet those same needs in a more empowering way?

Flip the Script

If you need certainty, can you build it through your faith, your track record, or your preparation?

If you need connection, can you reach out to your support system instead of hiding from it?

If you want to feel significant, can you gain that from making an impact, rather than nursing a sense of struggle?

I’m not saying the fear goes away. I’m saying you have the power to choose a different strategy.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to wait to feel ready. You can take action now, even with the butterflies. Even with the doubt. Especially with the doubt.

Because courage isn’t about being fearless. It’s about moving forward even when you’re not.

So if you’ve been stuck, ask yourself: What emotional need is this inaction meeting? And how can I meet that same need in a healthier, more empowering way?

When you answer that, everything changes.

Thanks for the great question, Leilani. If you have a question for next time, you know where to find me.

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Timestamps

• 00:27: Why this topic matters in pageantry

• 01:40: Could you believe in yourself right now?

• 02:47: The 6 Human Needs explained

• 06:56: Why waiting to feel ready is about certainty

• 08:00: What inaction is secretly doing for you

• 11:25: Identify which needs your inaction is meeting

• 15:20: A 2-question exercise to rewire your mindset

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