Each week, I share no-fluff pageant coaching to help you lead, speak, and leave a legacy. With 300+ interviews and coaching across Miss Universe, Miss USA, and Miss America, this isn’t theory—it’s what works.
300 Conversations Later: What I’ve Learned
Earlier this week, I passed a milestone: my 300th interview for The Pageant Project. That’s hundreds of stories, insights, and introductions to some of the brightest (and boldest) women in pageantry. With that kind of volume, people often ask me, “Can you tell when someone’s going to win?”
The short answer? No.
Pageant judging is wildly unpredictable. You can tick all the boxes and still not be “it” for a given system, year, or panel. But what I can tell you—sometimes from the moment someone walks into the room—is whether they’re going to go far. Crown or no crown.
These women have something else. The elusive “it factor.” And while that can feel like trying to bottle lightning, I’ve noticed a pattern. So here it is. Five core traits that I see in the women who stand out—not just in pageants, but in life.
1. Presence: The Room Knows When You Walk In
You can’t fake presence. It’s not just about height, beauty, or a great outfit—though those don’t hurt. It’s about energy. That gravitational pull. The kind that makes heads turn when someone walks in, even if they haven’t said a word.
Think Marisa Page Butler (now Ford) walking into a Miss Earth USA room. A friend told me everyone just felt it. There was a shift. People noticed. That’s presence. And in a world full of noise, being memorable is everything.
You don’t need to be loud or dramatic. But if you walk into a room and no one even registers you were there? That’s a problem—whether you’re competing, networking, or just trying to make your mark.
2. Poise: Grace Under Pressure
Poise is one of those pageant buzzwords we throw around, but rarely define. For me, it’s this: grace under pressure. The ability to handle stress, chaos, or even criticism with calm, composure, and class.
Poise isn’t about being emotionless. It’s about knowing when to take a breath instead of firing off a reply. It’s not snapping back at trolls on social media. It’s being a calm presence when everyone else is spiraling.
And in the unpredictable, high-pressure world of pageants—and frankly, life—this is golden.
3. Self-Awareness: Know Thyself (and the Room)
Self-awareness is painfully underrated. It’s not just about knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It’s about reading a room. Understanding how you’re coming across. Adjusting your tone, your story, your presence depending on the context.
The advice to “just be yourself” is useless if you don’t know who that is. And none of us is the same person in every situation. We adapt. The trick is to do it consciously, not performatively.
In interviews especially, this matters. A rehearsed, robotic answer might be technically perfect, but if it doesn’t land with your audience, it misses the mark. Self-awareness lets you pivot. To connect. To lead.
4. Authenticity: The Courage to Be Real
Authenticity is scary. That’s why so many avoid it.
Posting a no-makeup selfie when you’re in the top 1% of genetically blessed humans isn’t authenticity. Real authenticity is saying something that scares you. Admitting a failure. Sharing a scar, not just a success.
The most powerful, resonant moments I’ve witnessed are when someone says something so real, so raw, that it makes the room go quiet. That’s brave. That’s memorable. And that’s what makes you magnetic.
It’s not about being a walking diary of trauma, but if everything you present is polished, perfect, and PR-approved? You’ll never truly connect.
5. Relatability: Close the Distance
Presence puts you on a pedestal. Relatability brings you back down just enough for people to see themselves in you.
Too much presence without relatability? You become unreachable. Too much relatability without presence? You blend into the crowd.
The goal is balance. Think Taylor Swift. A global icon who sells out stadiums, yet still somehow makes millions of fans feel like she gets them. That’s the sweet spot.
Relatability doesn’t mean airing all your dirty laundry. But it does mean showing people that you don’t have it all figured out. That you struggle too. That you’re human.
So What Now?
If you’re prepping for a pageant—or just trying to stand out more in life—think about these five traits. Don’t overthink it. Don’t try to tick every box. But start noticing them. In others. In yourself.
Pick three. Work on those. And remember: the “it factor” isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being you—with presence, poise, self-awareness, authenticity, and relatability. That’s what sets the best apart.
Not just in pageants. But in life.
Timestamps
0:00 Intro and milestone reflection
3:00 Introduction of the five factors
3:32 Factor 1: Presence
7:30 Factor 2: Poise
9:47 Factor 3: Self-awareness
14:39 Factor 4: Authenticity
20:11 Factor 5: Relatability
23:43 Conclusion and final thoughts
If you're looking for personalised coaching, I offer a limited number of private sessions. It’s for women who want tailored strategy, mindset support, and real accountability—on stage and beyond.
Pageantry is evolving—and you deserve coaching that’s more than surface-level. Join us if you're ready to go beyond the crown.
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