Earlier this year, I was working with a private coaching client who had spent months preparing for a particular pageant.
She’d worked incredibly hard, had a heartfelt advocacy that aligned beautifully with the pageant’s mission, and had previously won one of the categories in the same competition.
Naturally, she assumed that if she worked harder, improved herself, and returned as a better contestant, she’d achieve an even better result.
Sounds reasonable, right?
Well, one of the things she’d really thrown herself into was her gym routine. She was naturally very skinny, so she’d spent countless hours working out, trying to put on muscle mass and transform her physique.
Then, whilst backstage waiting for the swimsuit competition, another contestant proudly announced that she hadn’t worked out a single day that entire year.
Not once.
Now, whether that was entirely true is anyone’s guess, but I think it’s safe to assume she hadn’t worked anywhere near as hard in the gym as my client.
Guess which contestant won the swimsuit category?
Spoiler alert: it wasn’t my client.
And this brings me to something I’ve been trying to get pageant contestants to understand for years.
Just because you worked harder, improved more, or believe you’re the better pick as titleholder doesn’t automatically mean the judges are going to pick you.
In fact, sometimes the judges simply like someone else more.
And here’s the part you might struggle to accept.
There might not be much you can do about it.
How Much of Pageant Judging Is Actually Objective?
One of the biggest mistakes I see contestants make is assuming that there’s always a specific, logical, and ‘legitimate’ reason why they didn’t win.
And when I say legitimate, I mean something they could take on board, work on, and improve for next year’s competition.
Perhaps their interview wasn’t good enough. Perhaps their walk needed more work. Perhaps their styling wasn’t quite right.
And sometimes those things genuinely are the problem.
But what if the reason you didn’t win had nothing to do with any of those things?
What if the judges simply preferred someone else’s personality, appearance, or overall vibe?
To explain why this happens, I want to take you somewhere that might seem completely unrelated to pageantry.
The dating world.
What Does Dating Have to Do with Pageant Judging?
Imagine you’re single, you’d rather not be, and you’re out at a restaurant or a social event.
You look around the room and notice a few people you might be interested in getting to know.
How did you decide who those people were?
Did you pull up their LinkedIn profiles, examine their educational qualifications, check their employment history, and contact their references?
Of course not.
You looked around the room and, based on whatever information was available to you, decided who you were interested in.
Maybe it was their physical appearance. Maybe it was their smile, their confidence, or simply the way they carried themselves.
In other words, you have a type.
And whilst you might not be able to articulate exactly what that type is, you know it when you see it.
Here’s where things get interesting.
Once you’ve identified someone you’re attracted to, you’re far more likely to want to get to know them. That’s when you start asking questions about their career, their interests, their family, and everything else that might make them a suitable partner.
In other words, the initial attraction comes first, the facts come second.
Now, obviously there are exceptions. People can grow on us, and our first impressions aren’t always correct.
But the broader point is that our emotional reactions influence how we evaluate people, often without us being consciously aware of it.
And, as I explain in today’s video, something very similar happens when pageant judges choose their winners.
Pageant Judges Have a Type, Too
I’ve judged pageants myself, including Miss Earth internationally, and one of the things I’ve witnessed is just how much personal preference can influence a judge’s decision.
Some judges prefer contestants who are elegant and reserved.
Others gravitate toward women who are bubbly, outgoing, and full of personality.
Some might love a contestant who radiates ambition and determination, whilst others might find that same energy intimidating or overly intense.
I worked with another young woman who was quite possibly the hardest-working person in any room she walked into, and had the receipts to prove it.
She didn’t win.
During our post-pageant debrief, I asked her whether she believed every judge would consider being hardworking a positive quality.
She immediately said yes.
So I challenged her.
Of course no judge would pick someone who was obviously lazy, but what if their idea of the perfect titleholder was someone who was warm, approachable, and had that girl-next-door personality?
And what if my client, because of her incredible discipline and determination, came across as too intense?
Does that mean the judge dislikes hardworking people?
No.
It simply means that my client might not match that particular judge’s preconceived idea of what a titleholder ‘should’ be.
And the judge might end up rationalizing that mismatch by describing her as too intense, not relatable enough, or lacking warmth.
Can you see how this becomes a problem?
A contestant might walk away believing she needs to change her personality, when the real issue was that she simply wasn’t that judge’s type to begin with.
But Surely the Judges Have Scoring Criteria?
Yes, and I’m certainly not suggesting that pageant judging rubrics are useless.
But there’s a significant difference between having scoring criteria and having objective measurements.
In a hundred-meter sprint, the person who crosses the finish line first wins.
It doesn’t matter whether the officials like their personality or think they’d make a good ambassador for the sport.
They were the fastest. End of story.
Pageant judging, however, involves evaluating qualities that are inherently subjective.
What’s the difference between being confident and being arrogant?
Between being passionate and being aggressive?
Between being poised and being stiff?
I can tell you from sitting on judging panels that two judges can watch exactly the same contestant and come away with completely different impressions.
Let’s take another example.
A contestant falls on stage.
One judge marks her down because she made a mistake.
Another judge marks her up because she got back on her feet and demonstrated resilience.
Same contestant. Same incident. Completely different interpretation.
Which judge is right?
And how exactly is a scoring rubric supposed to eliminate that difference?
This isn’t an argument against having judging criteria. In fact, I think a well-designed rubric can help judges become more conscious of their biases and encourage more thoughtful decision-making.
But let’s not confuse a structured opinion with an objective fact.
Why You Shouldn’t Take Pageant Results So Personally
I think one of the most damaging things a contestant can do is treat a pageant result as an objective assessment of her worth.
And yet it happens all the time.
A contestant works incredibly hard, returns to the same pageant as a better version of herself, and ends up doing worse.
Her immediate assumption?
Something must be wrong with me.
And so she goes looking for answers, sometimes obsessively.
She changes her dress. Changes her hair. Changes her interview answers. Perhaps even changes coaches.
And whilst there’s nothing inherently wrong with trying to improve, I think it’s worth asking whether she’s actually correcting a problem or simply trying to become someone else’s idea of the perfect titleholder.
Let’s go back to our dating analogy.
If you’re interested in someone but they don’t feel the same way, does that automatically mean there’s something wrong with you?
Of course not.
You might be a fantastic person. You might be intelligent, attractive, successful, and have everything going for you.
But if the chemistry isn’t there, it isn’t there.
And I think we’d all agree that completely changing your personality to make someone attracted to you is probably not the healthiest approach to finding a relationship.
So why do we so readily accept that approach when it comes to pageants?
And please don’t misunderstand me.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t prepare, research your judges, study your pageant system, or do everything within reason to give yourself the best chance of winning.
Of course you should.
But I am saying that you need to understand the difference between things you can control and things you can’t.
You can control your preparation, your attitude, your work ethic, and how you present yourself.
You cannot control whether five particular human beings happen to prefer you over everyone else who walks into the room.
And, perhaps most importantly, you shouldn’t give those five people the power to determine how you feel about yourself.
Because winning a pageant doesn’t automatically mean you’re better than everyone else.
And losing doesn’t automatically mean you’re worse.
Sometimes you were simply the right person, in front of the right judges, at the right time.
And sometimes you weren’t.
The Homework: Are You Improving Yourself or Chasing Approval?
Here’s what I’d like you to do.
Think back to your most recent pageant, particularly if the result wasn’t what you’d hoped for.
Now ask yourself three questions:
What specific areas of my performance could I genuinely improve?
Which of those improvements would make me a better person, regardless of whether I ever competed in another pageant?
Am I making changes because I genuinely want to improve, or because I’m desperately trying to become the sort of contestant I think the judges will like?
There’s a big difference between the two.
Best,
Adrian.
The Beginner’s Guide to Pageantry - Everything You Need to Compete in Your First Pageant With Confidence... Even If You’re Starting From Zero:
